Forbidden Love
by Addicted2Spoby4Life
Summary: Spencer and Toby have been best friends for 3 years. They're both 18 year old seniors. Toby is popular at school, and so is Spencer. What happens when she starts having dirty fantasies about him? How is she supposed to be public about her feelings when he has a girlfriend? When one simple afternoon turns into a day in the sheets, will things turn out for the better? Or the worse?
1. Chapter 1

Thoughts, Dreams, and Flashbacks are in italics. Disclaimer: I don't own PLL.

* * *

**The First Mistake**

Spencer caught his eye and smiled. She went to sit at his table.

"Hey T." She grinned as she took a seat next to him.

"Hey beautiful."

Spencer felt her heart flutter at the compliment. But then the moment was over, as they were soon joined by his girlfriend. The word made her nauseous. She liked Toby, and the compliments made her feel even better. The problem was, they were meant in a friendly way. She wanted more than that. She wanted to be able to hold his hand, feel his lips touch her skin, feel _him_ _touch_ _her._ Spencer was shook out of her thoughts as the blue-eyed blonde spoke.

"Hey babe." Eva, his girlfriend, smiled sitting across from Toby.

"Hey you." He replied.

Spencer felt accomplished. He complimented her more than his own girlfriend. That felt great. All of the sudden she felt a hand on her leg. Her eyes went wide when she realized whose hand it was. Toby was touching her. Was this another one of her sick fantasies, or was this actually happening? His hand slipped further up her leg. He squeezed her leg while making this journey up. Why was he touching her, he had a girlfriend?

She looked at him, and he flashed her a signature smile. Quickly he moved his hand away and reached across to hold Eva's hand.

"English was boring. He would not shut up!" Eva complained.

"He's a grumpy old man... what did you expect?" Toby laughed.

"Just saying, he knows how to talk!" She explained.

So do you.

Spencer thought. She wanted Toby's hand. Why was she obsessing over someone else's boyfriend? _Snap out of it Spence! He's not interested in you. The hand thing was probably a joke. _The lunch bell rang about twenty minutes later, and Spencer got up to take her tray to the trash.

"Can I still come over later?" Toby asked walking with her.

"Yeah of course!" She beamed. "It's just you, right?"

"Right." He said.

"Well I'll see you then!" Spencer sighed wanting the day to go by quickly.

* * *

Spencer heard a knock on the door. The day had seemed to just drag on, when she had been waiting for this moment. Toby was the only guy she had ever wanted in an extremley sexual way. At night she fantasized about what a relationship with him would be like. She needed to feel his touch- _What are you thinking Spencer? Go answer the door and stop fantasizing about what you can't have. _She got up and opened the door. Toby. A refreshing sight. School had been stressful.

"Hey." Spencer smirked clearing her mind of the dirty thoughts.

"Hi Spence." Toby greeted walking in. "It's Friday, so I figured we could just spend the night watching movies, playing board games, staying up the entire night."

"Okay! That'll work since my parents are out of town for two weeks." Spencer exclaimed.

She had Toby pick a movie, while she went to the kitchen and made popcorn. She waited for it to heat up and finish popping. She got some sodas and headed back to the den. Toby smiled and set the things on the table in front of the couch. Spencer sat on the couch next to Toby. She was close to him, very close. She felt the thoughts returning and she let them play out in her head as the movie progressed. Toby tugged on Spencer's arm about half way through the movie. She looked at him worried. He grabbed the popcorn out of her hands, set it on the table, and wiped her hands on a rag. Spencer was confused as to why he did that, but she was quickly answered as Toby leaned in.

"I have a better idea." Toby whispered.

"What's that?" Spencer asked. His lips that close were sending shivers down her spine.

"This." Toby hovered his face close to hers.

Spencer looked at him. All of the sudden his lips were on hers. She breathed heavily, bringing a hand to his face. She returned the gesture gratefully. Spencer started pushing him back on the couch so she could lay on top. He fell back bringing her with him. Toby traced her bottom lip with his tongue asking for her permission, which she gladly accepted. He tasted like mint and butter. Her hand abandoned his face and reached up to grab a fistfull of hair. Toby groaned as Spencer's lips trailed down his neck and found a spot on his collarbone. He could tell she was thinking about leaving a mark. Spencer pulled away from him panting.

"Wow... that was, just, wow." She breathed heavily needing oxygen.

Toby smiled and reached up to recapture her lips.

Spencer shook her head and pulled back. "If we're continuing this we need to move it."

Toby looked at her seductively. "What do you have in mind."

Spencer grinned, leaning back in for more. She felt his lips against hers and planted a long, breath taking kiss.

"Bedroom... now." Spencer said in between kisses. She was a virgin, but she could tell that was about to change.

Toby was about to go up when his phone vibrated.

"Sorry." He apologized grabbing his phone. He checked the text, it was from Eva.

_I'm bored wanna come over? ;)_

Toby sighed a frustrated sigh. Right. He had a girlfriend. Not someone he should be cheating on. Yet the way that Spencer was sitting patiently on his lap, wait for him to get done texting, made her seem irresistable.

_Can't I'm hanging w/ a friend. Sorry. :(_

He shot back turning his phone off and tossing it on the table. He sat up and grabbed her carrying her bridal style up to her room. He got in the room and closed the door. Toby didn't put Spencer down until they reached the bed. Spencer yanked his shirt off and attached her lips to his neck hungrily. She pulled out of the kiss and moved back to the pillows. He followed quickly behind her, hovering over top of her, and grabbed her shirt. He undid the buttons and pushed it off of her. He took a minute to examine her now bare upper half.

_His eyes looking at me like this. Am I sure I want this? Of course Spencer! He's going to realize it was a mistake afterwards anyways. Just take advantage of the opportunity. No, he has a girlfriend. Who isn't here! Kiss him like your mind has fantasized over so much and do it while you still have the chance! But I can't take advantage of him. He kissed you. His fault. Now shut up and enjoy the kiss like I know you want too. _Spencer was debating it. Was this really how she should go? _Screw it._

_Her eyes are so beautiful. She seems distracted. Does she want this? I know she's a virgin. Should I take advantage of her like this? Will she regret it? Of course she will! What are you thinking!? You have a girlfriend whose house you could be at right now doing this exact same thing. But I don't want her. I want Spencer, something about Spencer is special. I compare them, surely that means this isn't too bad. Just shut up already and kiss her!_

Toby's hands slid down to Spencer's pants. He looked at her for verification.

"Are you sure you want this?" He asked trying to hide his excitement.

Spencer stared at him for a minute. _Why am I hesitating? Am I not the one having sick fantasies about him all day long? _

"Yes." She nodded finally.

He continued removing her clothes. Spencer's lips pushed against his in need and lust. She felt her legs become bare. He had removed everything off of her. His turn. She undid his belt and pushed his pants down his legs. All that remained were his boxers. Toby's tongue was enchanting her mouth. But then Spencer realized that they were unprotected.

"Um Toby." Spencer pulled away. "Do- do you think we could um... use protection." She suddenly felt silly for asking.

"Oops. I forgot, I'm sorry." He kissed her one last time before leaning over the edge of the bed to grab his wallet from his pants.

Spencer blushed. At least he didn't judge her. She smiled when he grabbed the foil packet from his wallet. He probably didn't want to be a teen dad as much as she didn't want to be a teen mom. Spencer surprised him by grabbing the packet from him and kissing him.

_This is going to be a long night. _Were her last thoughts before she allowed herself to be sucked into an afternoon of her fantasies coming to life.

* * *

Spencer collapsed on the bed, panting. She snuggled up to Toby. Was he going to regret this? She looks at him waiting for the moment he declares this was wrong and leaves, but it doesn't come. _There is no way he likes me back!_

"That was..." Spencer searched for the word to describe, but nothing came to mind. "Wow."

Toby kissed her cheek, grateful she didn't object when this started earlier.

"When did you say your parents were coming home again?" He asked worried they might be caught.

"Not for two weeks." She smiled slyly.

"That's a long time." He said winking at her.

Toby grabbed Spencer's hand and started to interlock and pull a part their fingers. _Her hand fits perfectly in mine. _

Spencer looked at him. He was usually some funny, tough, popular kid. Around her though he seemed so, simple, and easy to be himself. But then Spencer remembered. _I just caused a great guy to cheat on his girlfriend. _

"Toby." Spencer sighed dreading the conversation ahead.

"Yeah?" Toby responded afraid it might be her bringing up his girlfriend.

"What about Eva?" And it was out.

"What about her?" Toby knew what Spencer was asking, but he didn't want to think about how he did that to a wonderful girl.

"I just made you cheat on her. Do you still have feelings for her, or..." Spencer trailed off.

"Or do I have feelings for you?" Toby concluded asking himself the question instead of Spencer.

"I just don't want to expect something and then be disappointed." She answered honestly.

"I don't know what I want." Toby confessed. "She's great but... maybe this was a bad idea. I shouldn't have come here until I figured things out."

Toby got up out of the bed and started dressing himself. He had his pants on when he looked at Spencer again.

"What?" Spencer croaked, a tear in her eye. _This is not happening. _

"I'm sorry. Really I am." Toby put made his way downstairs to grab a new shirt, unsure of wear his other one had gone, leaving an upset Spencer behind.

Toby dug through his bag and finally located a shirt when Spencer came down the stairs. She was wearing black lace underwear and his shirt. _God she looks so sexy in my clothes. No stop! This is a mistake._

"You're seriously leaving?" Spencer worried.

"I- I- need to think about what just happened." Toby admitted grabbing his bag and heading towards the door.

"But I just..." Spencer's voice cracked. "I just had... sex... with you. I gave you... my virginity!" She cried.

"I'm sorry." And he was out the door. Gone.

Spencer stared at the door. She screwed up. She trusted that his feelings were the same, but they weren't. Nothing about them was the same._ He just wanted sex. Someone to screw. _

Little did Spencer know, that was only her first mistake.

* * *

**Do you guys like it? Yes? No? Maybe? Review please if you want me to continue. I like the idea. I think I know where I'm headed. I appreciate all your feedback! Seriously, it means the world to me!**

**xoxo, Mel**


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the reviews guys! It really encourages me! Disclaimer: I DONT OWN PLL

* * *

**Coming Clean Always Ends In An Argument**

The weekend passed by quickly. Spencer left countless messages for Toby, but he wouldn't respond back. _What did I do? Now he'll never speak to me again! _Spencer strolled into her period 4 class. _English. How fun! _A voice knocked Spencer out of her thoughts.

"Hey Spence!" Aria, a girl who rarely talked to Spencer, called.

"Umm... hi?" Spencer responded.

"I heard about what happened! I just want to let you know, that no true friend would do that." Aria smirked.

"What?" Spencer froze. _Does she know?_

"You know! How that loser Catlyn stole your boyfriend!" Aria clarified. "I'm sorry it happened."

Of course, how could she forget? Last Wednesday she caught her boyfriend lip locking with one of her best friends. Erm... ex- best friends. Awkwardly enough, it didn't phase her. It's not like she _liked _kissing Logan anyways. Whenever they made out she fantasized about it being Toby. Her mind never imagined that it would be as good as it was, though. The way Toby's hands roamed her body in a boy-ish wonder. _Snap out of it Spencer!_

"It wasn't a big loss." Suddenly aware Aria was the only one who talked to her about it, Spencer grinned. "But thanks. For worrying."

"Well if you need anything, and I mean anything, you can count on me!" Aria promised.

"Thanks," Spencer smiled. _What I need is Toby. I need his, his lips, his smile. But he has someone else. Someone he sat with at lunch, and hugged, and kissed, and had sex with more than once. Someone he loves, and will probably marry one day. Someone who is supposed to be my best friend, but I can't stand. I just want to feel him inside of me one more time._

The bell rang and Spencer sat in her seat. Toby walked in the classroom, unnoticeably late due to the teacher's absence. Spencer looked at him hoping for him to smile at her. He looked her way, and her heart fluttered. The teacher entered the classroom about a minute later and called for everyone's attention.

"You will be getting assigned to a partner to work on a project. I will be picking your group." The class groaned.

Spencer didn't mind. She wasn't friends with anyone in the class anyways. The only person who _she _wanted to be with was Toby. She knew other people were hoping to get her for two reasons. One, because she was popular and people wanted to be her friend. Two, because they wanted to try and make her do the work.

"Lily and John. Katie and Ally. Paul and Lucas. Toby and Aria..." And on like that she continued. But Spencer never got a partner. "Spencer your the last person. You can pick to be in a group of three."

_Great. _Spencer searched the room to find a partner. Her eyes landed on Aria, and she saw Aria practically eye- begging her to join them. She walked over slowly, kind of limping, and sat. Toby looked annoyed.

_Fantastic. She is in my group. How can I do this when I haven't even figured things out? _

"Are you okay? You're limping." Aria asked concern obvious.

Spencer looked at Toby. He was the reason she was limping. It may have been her first time, but there were multiple rounds and not every round was innocent.

"I Just pulled something while on my daily run yesterday nothing to worry about." Spencer smiled.

"Okay class the assignment is to come up with a short book. You have two months to have a rough draft, revised and edited, and final copy. You can write the final copy in a notebook." The teacher lightened up a bit. "And for all you perverted people, yes it can be about anything. Just make sure you want to read that out loud to the class. Go ahead and start."

Spencer immediately knew what it should be.

"I have an idea. How about a girl who likes a guy, but he has a girlfriend." Toby looked at her. "And one day they hook up, but he tells her later that having sex was a mistake. So she is sad because he doesn't feel the same way."

"Oh so you're one of the perverted minded people." Aria teased.

"I actually like that idea. But you should add the guys point of view." Toby spoke for the first time. "Have it be where he likes her... a lot, but he isn't sure who he wants. So he avoids her because he's afraid if he picks the wrong girl then he will hate himself for hurting the other one."

Spencer gritted her teeth. Was this supposed to be his way of explaining?

"Woah... any idea where this came from?" Aria questioned raising an eyebrow.

"I've been thinking about writing a book." Spencer covered. "The idea actually came to me on Friday night."

"Well then I'll get to work on getting the notebooks, and we'll meet up tomorrow. Kay?" Aria asked.

"Okay." Spencer said going back to her seat.

* * *

After class Spencer was headed to lunch, but she saw Toby first. She ran up to him and grabbed his arm, forcing him to turn around and see who was bothering him.

"We need to talk." And with that Spencer pulled him out to a secluded area near the school.

"What the hell was that?!" She shouted when they got there.

"What are you talking about?" Toby yelled.

"First a regular afternoon turns into you kissing me! Then you took my virginity, and you left me! Which made no sense, after you had been kissing down my neck whispering that you loved me! And now you're telling me you have feelings again. Do you like me or not?!" Spencer screamed, done with all of it.

"Of course I have feelings for you!" Toby confessed.

"Then why did you leave me after taking my virginity?" Spencer countered.

"I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT ELSE I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO!" Toby finally came clean. "I like you a lot! But I cheated on my girlfriend, and I feel terrible about the fact that I can't even kiss her without thinking that having sex with you felt so much better."

Spencer looked at him in surprise. He liked her. He compared her, just like she had done with Logan. Spencer leaned forward and kissed him. Toby reached up to grab her back and pull her closer. Spencer felt him groan into her mouth as she grinded her hips into his. Toby traced her lip with his tongue and Spencer opened her mouth needing to feel it again. She moaned as he pushed her against the wall of a building, not breaking lip contact with her. Her hands grabbed his hair and pulled his mouth closer. His hands traveled up her blue shirt and rounded to her back. He broke contact with her mouth and trailed kisses down her neck.

"I... think we... need to... take a... sick day." Spencer panted.

Toby, who very much agreed, quickly grabbed her hand and lead her to his car.

* * *

They drove to her house, and as soon as they got in the house, they continued their angry make out. Spencer quickly pushed him towards the couch and moved to straddle his lap. She continued to roam his mouth with her tongue, but could see Toby was getting other ideas. Spencer knew this would be quick. She also knew it would be a mistake. She knew he was going to leave again, but she couldn't resist it. Toby was the only guy who ever actually made her feel loved. Whether it was as a friend or in a sexual way. He was the only one she wanted. Spencer's hands traveled to the bottom of Toby's shirt. She pulled it off over his head. Spencer lay back on the couch realizing there was no way they were making it to her room. Toby, quickly catching on, followed her and hovered above her. He pulled her shirt off of her and unhooked her bra. He slid it off of her and threw it somewhere. Spencer quickly yanked down Toby's pants. Embarrassingly enough, there was a knock at the door. They shot up. Spencer grabbed his shirt, accidentally, and threw it over her head. She picked his pants up and threw them at him.

"Hide!" She hissed.

Toby ran out of the room and as soon as he was out of sight Spencer went to the door. She opened it and was annoyed at who she found.

"Hey Logan." Spencer rolled her eyes, eager for him to leave.

"Hey Spencer." He looked hopeful.

"What do you want?" She asked.

"You." Spencer was confused but Logan leaned forward and kissed her.

Spencer pushed him back outside.

"Yeah I'm not interested... sorry." And with that she slammed the door in his face.

"Tobes, it's okay." Spencer called.

Toby walked in the room and pulled Spencer onto the couch. He held her as she re-positioned herself under him. He leaned in and kissed her passionately. _She's so beautiful. I love her body. How can she be so perfect, yet she feels so insecure? Why am I cheating on another girl, when I could save that girl the troubles of having that happen? If I really loved her wouldn't I break up with Eva?_

Spencer moaned into Toby's mouth. They had absentmindedly undressed each other. Spencer pulled back and panted. This was going to happen again. Maybe this meant he wanted her. Maybe he wouldn't leave her again. There was no way he'd do that twice... right? This meant he actually cared for her, didn't it? Spencer doubted her mind was right, but somehow it tricked her into thinking it was. She saw the way he looked at her before entering her. He made her feel loved. Like she meant something.

"Toby!" Spencer gasped, grabbing his arm and squeezing it, still not used to the feel of anyone entering her.

Toby, not wanting to hurt Spencer, waited for her to relax before continuing. Every push, every kiss, every moan, and every gasp, Spencer had never felt better. While she was still mad at him, very mad, she knew he was the only guy capable of making her day feel perfect like this.

Time ticked away and Spencer enjoyed every minute of it. She held onto Toby and pushed herself up, matching his speed. It was an angry way of showing each other what they were feeling. Spencer tried to show Toby she was confused about what was going to happen next. Toby finally collapsed; after what seemed like forever, and moved positions so Spencer would be on top, since they were on the couch. He sighed unsure of what to do now. Spencer just laid there, with her head buried in his neck, breathing softly. She was afraid if she spoke then she would scare him away again, and she didn't want that to happen. Spencer kissed his neck softly.

"Spencer." Toby interrupted. "What did we just do? I needed time to figure this out, not to make it worse."

Spencer stopped, she had been afraid of those words.

"Why don't you tell me?" Spencer asked getting up. "Have you decided?"

"Spencer I-" Toby began.

"Or do you need to have sex with me again before you know?" Spencer snapped. "Because that's all I am right? Someone to screw when your girlfriend isn't in the mood."

"For your information I could of left before our first time." Toby argued. "She texted me asking me to come over, but I stayed. I stayed because I needed to know if what I was feeling was real. I don't know why I ever thought it was you, though."

Spencer stood there dumbfounded. _What? _Why would he say that? Toby gathered his clothes and put them on. He grabbed his car keys and left. He just left, gone. Spencer collapsed on the ground and broke out into long painful sobs.

* * *

Six hours later, Spencer was getting ready to eat. She didn't have the courage to cook so she just ordered Chinese takeout. She tipped the deliverer and they were gone. Taking the stairs two at a time, she hurried up to her room and curled up in her bed. She ate her pain away. She decided against going to school tomorrow, since there was no way she was emotionally stable enough to. So she sat, for what was probably an hour, just eating her pain away slowly. When she was finally done she went down stairs and threw her garbage away. Spencer decided to take a nice long bath so she went to the shower. She ran water and stripped off her clothes. Her body relaxed some and she closed her eyes. _I am stupid. I'm useless. All I am is someone that people can easily take advantage of. _She opened her eyes and looked at the edge of the tub. There was a razor... _her_ razor. Spencer looked at the blade. It was sharp. She threw it across the bathroom and the blade broke out. It bounced back towards the tub. She picked it up. Spencer looked at her arm. Moving the blade towards it, she could feel her body shaking. Her hand, still holding the blade, dug into her skin. She ran the blade down in a line, making the cut larger. Spencer winced in pain. It hurt really bad. Somehow though, it managed to distract her from her emotional pain. Spencer submerged her arm under water, washing clean the blood. She drained the water and got out. Spencer, feeling a little better, took the razor to her room. She hid it in a cloth and put it in her nightstand. Feeling refreshed, she climbed into bed and turned out the light. She fell asleep early knowing that whatever happened next, the razor would always be there for her.

* * *

**I hope you guys liked the chapter. I tried to make it good. Thanks for the reviews, follows, and favorites. They mean the world to me. What do you think will happen next? Any reviews will be really appreciated. I was so happy I messaged all my friends and told them! Thanks for reading!**

**xoxo, Mel**


	3. Chapter 3

In honor of the Treegan reunion today! Also check out my trailer for this. utube watch?v=ABGbYeagB90 ... Oh my gosh! Thanks guys for the reviews! I know some of you want Spencer to not let Toby back in her life so easily and don't worry, she knows he will just leave again by now. Oh and does it bother anyone how often I use the words she, he, Toby, and Spencer? I try to add variety but it's kind of hard. Disclaimer: I don't own PLL

* * *

**Meeting New People**

Spencer woke up at 7 am the next day. She got up and thought about trying to make it to school, but she decided against that idea. Eventually, after realizing she had gone to bed without any clothes, she just got dressed and went downstairs. Spencer made her way over to the coffee pot and started to make some. She scrolled through texts and messages from her friends, but one caught her eye. It was from Toby. Spencer decided to just delete it without reading it. _It will just be harder if you read it. He's probably telling you to back off anyways, so just ignore him. _While grabbing the coffee pot to pour some of it into her cup she noticed the mark on her arm. _Right. That happened. Maybe the mark feels lonely... What am I saying? Spencer you better not cut yourself again, that was a mistake! _Yet it was addicting, and it helped her ignore the emotional pain. She walked over to the knife drawer and grabbed one. Was it even smart to cut yourself with a kitchen knife? _Who cares? _Spencer ran the sharp object over her skin. It hurt worse than any other cuts she had ever gotten. But that was because they weren't as deep. She threw the knife down on the counter and ran over to the sink. The cool water ran over her skin and Spencer saw the blood vanish.

* * *

Later in the day Spencer heard a knock on the door. She walked over to it and opened it.

"Hey Spence, you weren't in school today so I figured I would check on you." Aria greeted.

"Oh umm thanks." Spencer realized her arm was visible so she walked over to the couch and covered herself in a blanket. "I just didn't feel good."

"Oh well um we started the project." Aria pulled a notebook out of her bag. "Toby and I weren't sure what you had in mind for the girl's part so he said we should start with the guy's. Do you want to read it?"

"Yeah. Um... could I keep it to work on the girl's part tonight?" Spencer asked.

"Sure." Aria smiled. "See ya tomorrow!"

Spencer waited until Aria left and she opened the notebook. Inside of it was Toby's handwriting.

_I love her. I shouldn't, but I do. We fit together perfectly, like god made us for each other. Like we were meant to find each other. But it was a mistake. Everything about us was a mistake. And the problem is, I'm not sure if it ever should have happened. I took advantage of her. She was vulnerable and I took advantage of that. I shouldn't have. Especially the second time, I knew I wasn't sure that time. Our first time having sex was perfect though, and I feel like I need her to survive now. I want to be with her, but I don't know how to tell her that. I don't even know if I deserve her. Yet, I have a girlfriend, and I don't know what to do. How do I tell her I would much rather be with her best friend? What am I supposed to do with the little feelings I have left for her? I doubt that either of them will want anything to do with me once I tell them all of this. Everything is all screwed up. How do I even look at them the same anymore? How am I supposed to see those mocha brown eyes and wish for the sea blue ones? She makes me happy. But I don't think I have a chance with her anymore. I don't know why I screwed her over twice. But I don't think I can be just friends with her anymore. I'm just as confused about all of this as her. But I think my biggest question is why, of all girls to hurt, why did I choose the one I love? Why did I tell her I didn't think it was her anymore?_

Spencer felt tears in her eyes. _Is this his way of saying sorry? Does he love me or not?! _Maybe if she moved on things would be better. He obviously wasn't sure if he wanted her. There's no way she was going to fall into his trap again. He had screwed up things so badly already. She was done playing his game. It was as simple as that. Maybe Aria and her could be friends, then Spencer could leave the 'cool group.'_ He doesn't deserve my respect anymore. _

_Any idea where I can get a fake idea?-Spence_

_Be over soon. :) -Aria_

_Bring yours too. -Spence_

_Okay! -Aria_

* * *

"You almost ready babe?" Toby called waiting on Eva's couch.

"Coming!" Eva responded coming down the stairs.

She came down the stairs in a short red dress and heels.

"You look great." He complimented.

"Did you see my ID?" Eva asked grabbing her purse.

"Yeah I have it." Toby replied.

"Then let's go." She smiled opening the door and walking out of the house.

* * *

Toby walked in with Eva. The music was blaring and there were tons of people. Eva made a beeline for the bathroom, due to the almost hour long drive and her neglecting to go before they left. Toby made his way over to the bar.

"I'll have a beer." Toby smiled flashing his fake ID.

"Here you go sir." The bartender handed him his drink.

"Thanks."

"Hey stranger." He turned to find Aria.

"Hey, why are you here?" Toby asked.

"Spencer wanted to come out and party." She answered.

"Where's Spencer?" He wondered aloud.

"Dancing with some hot British guy." Aria yelled over the music.

"Oh. I should go find Eva." Toby covered feeling jealous.

"See ya Toby," Aria walked off.

Toby looked for Spencer in the crowd. It was hard to find her considering all the drunk party goers. Finally spotting her, Toby walked towards her. The presumed British guy was grinding into her, and Spencer was responding back. He almost threw up at the sight. The guy started kissing down Spencer's neck. She turned and kissed him on the lips. Her hands moved to the buttons on his shirts. Toby, having had enough, started walking towards him.

"What do you think you're doing?" He asked.

"Who are you?" The guy asked.

"I'm her boyfriend." Toby lied.

"No you're not! Leave me alone." Spencer interrupted disapproving of Toby's interruption.

"Look Spence, I'm sorry about last night." Toby apologized.

"No you're not! I'm tired of you lying to me! Just don't bother." Spencer defended.

"Just let me explain." Toby grabbed her arm.

"Don't touch me! I don't want you to ever touch me again. I don't even want to look at you. I'm tired of being a pushover! I'm not some girl that you can just screw when you're horny okay?! Leave me the fuck alone." Spencer screamed. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a boyfriend to attend to. Let's go Wren."  
Toby felt like he had just been punched in the gut. _Boyfriend? What have I done? _Toby turned to find Eva.

* * *

"Wow. This is a nice place." Spencer admired.

"Maybe one day we'll live in it together." Wren said aloud.

"Maybe." Spencer blushed.

Wren walked over to kiss Spencer. She kissed him back.

"You know, it would be a shame to just sit here all night." Spencer flirted.

"It would." Wren smirked. "I have an idea."

"Enlighten me." Spencer giggled.

Wren lifted Spencer up, and her legs wrapped around his torso. Spencer kissed Wren as he carried her to the bedroom. He laid her on the bed, hovering over top of her. She took his shirt off knowing exactly where this was headed.

* * *

Toby dropped Eva off and headed home. He went straight up to his loft. At least he had his own place. Living with his family only make things worse. Toby changed into pajama bottoms and headed to bed.

* * *

Spencer woke up naked the next day. She unwrapped herself from Wren and put on his shirt and her underwear. She went to the kitchen and made coffee. Wren came out of his bedroom soon after.

"I don't know how things were with your previous boyfriends, but I require a morning cuddle after a night of sex." He teased.

"Well I've never been naked with any of my previous boyfriends." Spencer defended with a laugh.

"Does this mean I took-" Wren asked.

"No." Spencer cut him off.

"But you just said-" Wren tried.

"He wasn't my boyfriend." She stated with a shrug.

"Oh." Wren speechlessly said. "Are you okay?" He noticed her eyes were watery.

"Fine. I just need to go to the bathroom."

Spencer walked to the bathroom. She shut the door and locked it. She dug through the cabinets looking for something sharp. Spencer finally located a broken hand mirror. _Why would anyone keep this? _She washed off the glass and held it up to her arm. She tugged up the sleeve of Wren's shirt and cut herself. Spencer bit her lip, drawing blood. She rinsed it under cold water to stop the bleeding. She rolled the sleeve back down, and went back to the bedroom to put the glass in her purse. Wren was making breakfast when Spencer walked back out. She was now completely dressed.

"I'm gonna head out." Spencer said kissing him goodbye.

"Are you sure?" Wren disappointedly asked.

"Yeah my parents are going to be home soon." She lied.

"I'll see you later then." He pouted.

"See ya later!" Spencer hugged him and was gone.

* * *

Spencer pulled up to her house and got out of her car. She walked inside and sat on the couch. Her phone beeped and she pulled it out of her purse.

_We need to talk. ASAP! -T_

Spencer responded back.

_I have nothing to say to you. ㈶4 -S_

Toby immediately texted her back.

_Please! I promise I wont try anything. -T_

_Fine. But I just got home. -S_

_I'll come to you. Thank you! -T_

_Whatever. -S_

* * *

Toby was at Spencer's house in thirty minutes. He knocked on the door and waited patiently for her to answer. Spencer opened the door and let him in.

"Hey Spence." Toby greeted.

"Hi." Spencer moved to sit on the couch.

"I'm really sorry about last night. And the day before, and the weekend before that." He apologized.

Spencer was about to speak, but Toby cut her off.

"I'm sorry about your arm too." He finished.

"It's fine my arm was just a little sore." She assured him.

"Do you think we could start over? Just as friends? I hate having you angry at me." Toby proposed.

"I can't just be friends with you Toby. I wanted more than that." Spencer hesitated standing up. "But I'm not going to have you cheat to be with me."

"What do you want now?" He asked.

"To be more than friends." Spencer honestly answered.

"And what if I told you I wanted more too?" Toby questioned walking towards her. Their lips were centimeters away. Spencer paused, momentarily thinking about it.

"I would say you have a girlfriend... who's not me." Spencer added pushing him away.

"I just need time to figure things out." Toby explained.

"Take all the time you need. I have a boyfriend." Spencer turned and walked up the steps.

"Wait, Spencer!" Toby called out.

She ignored him and slammed her bedroom door. Her hands dug through her drawer to find her blade. Finally locating it, she pulled it out and unwrapped it from the cloth. Spencer, without even thinking, yanked up Wren's sleeve and dug the blade into her skin. She winced as the sharp object cut her skin open. With all the pressure she collapsed on the ground in heaving sobs. Unexpectedly, her door swung open and Toby walked in.

"Spencer?" Toby's eyes widened in horror.

"What are you doing up here?" Spencer looked up, with tears in her eyes, dropping the blade.

"What the hell are you doing?" Toby was concerned.

"Noth- nothing." Spencer stuttered.

Toby walked towards her. He grabbed her other sleeve and tugged it up.

"Spencer. Why are you doing this?" Toby interrogated her, supplying a hug.

"Why do you think?" She snapped.

Realization hit Toby. "This is why your arm was sore. Oh my god. I did this. Spencer I'm so, so, so sorry!"

Spencer pulled away. "Just leave."

"No. I just found out that I made you self-harm, and you think I'm going to leave?" Toby yelled.

"Please! It'll just make things worse." Spencer pleaded.

"No. I'm not leaving." Toby grabbed Spencer, carefully, and guided her to the bathroom. He turned on the shower and put her arm under the water. Patiently, he waited for the bleeding to stop.

"Undress yourself." He demanded. Spencer just stood there. "Do you want me to do it for you?" He stated coldly.

Spencer peeled off her top. Toby nervously stared at her cuts. She unhooked her bra and let it drop onto the floor. Her skirt, from the night before, and panties were quickly discarded too. Toby felt his eyes wander over her body. _Stop it! _

"Get in. Make sure you're completely blood-free before you come back out." He insisted. "I'm going to go get you clothes."

Toby walked into her bedroom and opened her closet. He felt a twinge of guilt when he saw his shirt. Instead, he grabbed a pair of sweats and an oversized long-sleeved t-shirt. Making his way to the bathroom, he heard the water shut off. He walked in and saw her wrapped in a towel. Toby handed her the clothing and went back to her room to wait for her to get dressed. Spencer walked in a short time later. Even in sweats she looked amazing.

"Better?" She stubbornly asked.

"Talk to me Spence." Toby begged.

"There's nothing to talk about." Spencer stated sitting on her bed.

"Was it really that bad?" Toby questioned. "Was I _that _harsh?"

"Is that even a question worth asking?" She sarcastically laughed.

"God. I'm so sorry. Really, if I could take it back I would." Toby promised. "All of it."

"I wouldn't." Spencer looked down at her feet. "Not all of it. Maybe the part where you left, but not what happened before."

"Please don't ever do this again." He sat next to her on the bed and grabbed her arm. "If you ever get the urge to cut again call me first. Okay?"

"Okay." She moved back to rest her head on the pillows.

Toby joined her, and he wrapped his arms around her waist. Spencer rested her head against his chest. It was different from the first time; they hadn't been completely dressed. She felt safe, but she knew she couldn't let Toby back in her life so soon. That would be a mistake. Yet she was worried he would tell about her problem. What if everyone finds out?

"I'm still mad at you." She pulled out of his embrace. "Did you really think I would forgive you so easily?"

"No. That's why I'm leaving." Toby got out of her bed. "Take care of yourself."

He leaned over and kissed her forehead. "I love you."

Whether he meant it in a friendly way or not, Spencer didn't know. But she did know one thing, she loved him. However she was _not _going to fall for it again.

Or so she thought...

* * *

Did you guys like it? I tried hard. Every free second I had I was writing. During school, while playing board games (clue), and doing homework. Review please! What would you like to see? And do you really think she'll go to Toby if she wants to cut herself again? Love ya!

xoxo, Mel


	4. Chapter 4

**Giving People The Wrong Idea**

Spencer woke up to a knock on her door the next morning. She got up and walked down the stairs. Opening the door, she frowned. It was Eva.

"Hey! You went M.I.A," She greeted. Thought I'd check on you."

_Right. It's Thursday._

"I just... felt sick. Thought I would take a couple days off." Spencer lied.

"You okay?" Eva asked.

"Yeah I just wanted to be alone." Spencer admitted.

"Oh sorry. I'll go then." Eva turned to walk out the door.

"No! You don't have to leave." Spencer stopped her.

"No, it's fine." Eva's snarky-ness finally showed through. "I saw you two days ago with Aria at the club! You lied to me; you told me you had plans! You're ditching me!"

"What? No I'm not!" Spencer tried explaining.

"Save it! Go. If you're going to leave me then go. This is exactly what I need." Eva sarcastically cried. "I hope you kill yourself!" She turned out the front door and left.

_Great! Now my best friend since kindergarten is mad at me!_ Gone. Why was Eva so upset? Will she tell Spencer? She told Spencer to go kill herself. _Maybe I should. No one will miss me. _Slowly, Spencer made her way up to her room. She looked around in her purse for the glass. Instead, she found her phone. Wren had called. Spencer quickly dialed his number. When he didn't pick up she texted him.

_Feel like meeting up? -S _

_Sure where at? -W_

_The Brew! See ya in 30! -S_

_Bye! -W_

Spencer quickly got ready. Little did she know...

* * *

_Spence blew me off for Wren. They're going to the brew. Meet up at your loft for project in 10? -Aria_

_Yeah. See ya soon. -Toby _

So Spencer was coming to the brew. Toby was on his daily jog; he was almost home. He ran up the stairs and took shower. Making his way down to meet Aria, he saw Spencer. She sat at a table waiting for the guy from the club, no doubt. She looked beautiful. Spencer was wearing a short blue dress. She wore black heels and a very small amount of makeup. Her hair was curled into perfect waves. Toby caught sight of Wren walking into the brew. He figured now was the perfect time to get them to break up.

* * *

Toby slid into the booth next to Spencer. She turned to him thinking he was Wren, but quickly realized he wasn't. She was going to tell him to leave, however his face was close to hers.

"Hey beautiful." His hot breath made her blush.

"What are you doing here?" She attempted to distract herself.

He was wearing a plaid blue button up, that looked easy to get off, and jeans. His baby blue eyes pierced through hers. They looked so tempting. Spencer saw him eyeing her. The way his eyes wandered over her body made her desire him even more. Toby leaned forward and she felt her lips respond back immediately. Their lips crashed together, and Spencer felt relieved. Her eyes fluttered close. Toby was the only person who made her feel alive. That relief she had felt, momentarily, was washed away when Spencer remembered Wren. She pulled back.

"What's wrong?" Toby asked.

"I-" Spencer was about to explain when she heard a voice. She whipped her head around.

"Spencer?!" It was Wren.

"Wren! I-" Spencer jumped up. "-I can explain."

"Don't bother." He stated stepping closer. "I knew you were a worthless piece of shit!" Wren smacked her across the face. Spencer stood in fear.

_Worthless? _

Toby stood up to face Wren, who was shorter by about two inches.

"What do you think you're doing?" He looked like he was going to hit him.

"You're that guy from the club." Wren huffed. "I should have known something was going on."

"I should have known not to let her leave with you!" Toby challenged.

Then, in a flash, Toby was punching Wren. Wren tried to hit back, but Toby easily blocked the punched. Wren was no match for him. He tackled Wren to the ground and punched him again. Blood spurted from Wren's nose. Spencer screamed. A crowd gathered around. Again, Toby hit him. Repeatedly, it went on, until Wren started loosing a lot of blood and consciousness.

"Stop! You're killing him!" Spencer tugged at Toby's body. Toby look up, and for the first time that day, he saw the way she felt. The look in her eyes showed him she felt just as worthless as Wren had said. Because of him.

He got up off of Wren and grabbed Spencer's waist, pulling her closer to him. The owner had called an ambulance. Spencer, who was sobbing, was soon being comforted by Aria; fortunately, Aria only saw Spencer get slapped and then the fight. No kiss. A couple of Aria's friends had joined them. Hanna and Emily. Spencer had seen them around school. Even though they didn't know Spencer, they still comforted her. The ambulance took Wren away. She replayed the fight in her head. Toby had wandered away and was talking to a police officer. He explained how Wren had smack her, and he was only protecting Spencer. Soon after the police left the group was upstairs in the comfort of Toby's loft. Spencer had cried herself to sleep and the girls left after Toby promised to take care of her. About an hour after they left Spencer woke up to the smell of coffee and pancakes. She sat up and walked to the kitchen.

"Hey you're up!" Toby cheered.

"Mhm." Spencer spoke raspily. "What are you making?"

"Your favorite, pancakes." She smiled at him for knowing it was her favorite.

He pulled her close and hugged her. "Are you okay?" His hot breath made her shiver.

"Yeah." She pulled away and stared at him.

Her body was begging her to touch his lips. A strong urge pushed her to feel his touch. She craved him. Spencer, without thinking, leaned forward and attacked his lips. He responded back with equal passion and lust. Toby, with a struggle, pulled away.

"Spence I-" Toby stopped himself. _Maybe I shouldn't stop._

"I know." Spencer sat in a chair. "I wish you weren't with Eva."

"Maybe we could give us a try." Toby suggested. "Not tell anyone until we're sure if we work or not."

Spencer thought about it. They didn't have to tell anyone. Toby would _cheat_ on Eva for her. It could be a secret. _No. Don't agree Spence! _Yet she needed to. She had to have him in her life. She leaned forward and kissed him again, harder than the first time.

"I need you." She whispered in between kisses.

"I need you too." He admitted.

Toby, with disappointment, pulled away yet again.

"As much as I want to kiss you, I have brunch to make." Toby kissed her lips one more time and turned to finish making breakfast/lunch.

Spencer sighed. She went up behind him and wrapped her arms around his torso. Her head rested on his back. Toby felt Spencer breathing on him. He finished making breakfast while she kissed his back from time to time. She refused to move from him. _We're risking everything by being together._ Spencer thought to herself. Toby served them breakfast and they ate in peace. They didn't say anything. When they finished Toby put everything in the sink and went into the living room. Spencer followed him and took a seat next to him on the couch. He turned the TV on and they got lost in the show that was playing.

* * *

Within hours Spencer was in Toby's lap kissing him. She moaned as his hands traveled up her thigh, reaching under her baby blue dress. Thank god it wasn't tight. Spencer took Toby's shirt off and quickly reattached her lips to his like it had been an eternity. He lifted her off of the couch and took her to his bedroom. As soon as they got to his bed he lifted her dress off of her. She moaned as he pressed her back against the pillows. Her hands undid his pants and pushed them down his legs. She flipped them over so she was straddling him.

Toby groaned as Spencer grinded into him. He slid her panties down her legs. All of the sudden his phone rang.

"Really?" He groaned. Spencer got off of him. "It's Eva, one second."

_"Hey Eva." Toby answered._

_"Hey babe." She sounded like she had been crying. "Wanna hang out?"_

_"I would love to but..." Toby tried to come up with something. "I have to work on this project with Aria."_

_"Again?" She pouted. "It's like 10 at night!?"_

_"Sorry. It's a big project and we only have like two months. We're pulling an all-nighter." Toby 'apologized.'_

_"Whatever. Bye." Eva hung up._

"That was interesting." Toby sarcastically said.

Spencer quickly tackled him back onto the bed, not caring. She attached her lips to his. He groaned when she ventured to his boxers.

"Spence... may- maybe we should wait." Toby struggled to say. He wanted her so bad!

"Why?" She asked.

"I want to make it up to you first." He explained.

"Oh." Spencer smiled. "Okay. What do you want to do?"

"That's for me to know and you to find out." He mischievously grinned.

"Not even a little hint?" She pouted looking at him with puppy dog eyes.

"Nope." He got up and got dressed.

She frowned, and walked over to his dresser. Spencer stole a shirt. "Fine. I'm taking this."

Spencer went to the bathroom and changed. She saw a razor; it was probably Eva's.

* * *

Toby waited patiently, dressed in his pajama pants, for Spencer to return out of the bathroom. _What am I doing._ Spencer came out.

"You should be proud of me." She grinned.

"Why?" Toby worried. "Oh god what did you do?"

"I saw a razor." Spencer began. "And I didn't cut myself."

"Did you _think _about cutting yourself?" Toby asked.

"Kind of." She admitted.

"Bad girl." He 'chastised' her.

"I'm sorry." She played along. "Is there anything you recommend doctor?"

"Well, there is only one type of medicine that can cure this. And it's pretty rare." He explained as he walked towards her seductively.

"I'm intrigued." She smiled. "What's it called?"

"You tell me." He was standing next to her.

She reached up and kissed him, hard, on the lips.

"I'm pretty sure it's called Tobias." She smirked before greedily smashing her lips against his again.

"I'm not sure if that's rare." Toby frowned.

"Oh it's definitely rare" Her hands made their way back up to his face, forcing their lips together again.

Toby picked her up and carried her to the bed. He layed her down.

"Go to sleep." He walked towards the bedroom door. "I have a phone call to make. Then I'll be back."

"Fine." Spencer said, drifting off to sleep.

Toby closed the door, softly and went downstairs.

"Hey." He greeted, whispering, as the person answered the phone.

"What do you need?" They spoke.

"I'm playing a game with this one girl." Toby began, sitting on the couch. "I need something that seems romantic. Got any amazing ideas?"

"I have a couple." They voice said.

"Great!" Toby smiled to himself. "What do I need to do?"

* * *

**Okay I'm so, so, so, so, sorry for the long wait. I just get bored and distracted really quickly. I literally wake up and say to myself. You need to update your stories today. But then twitter distracts me. Not to mention yesterday was horrible. My friend (she didn't say this, but I felt like that's what she was saying) said I starve myself. She's like "You never eat. You worry me." And she knows I get saddened easily and have thought about self-harm before, but she still said that! And then she made my other friend turn on me, and had the nerve to say to my other friend SHE NEEDED SPACE. Really?! Any who... No one cares about my personal life so I'll just shut up. Sorry for the short chapter. (And the rant.) But yeah. I'll update as soon as possible. (I've been really tired lately. Idk why.) What do you think is going to happen next? What was Toby talking about? Love ya!**

**xoxo, Mel**


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